I look out there, into the bright blue sky where the white puffy clouds roam and the yellow-orange sun hits my eyes, and see infinite opportunities. I look out there, into the pinky purple sky, when the sun sets and the brightness fades, and see the pure honesty out of complexity. I look out there into the night sky and see glowing stars that twinkle in contrast to the darkness around them and I see the beauty of all that is grim and morbid.

..........

I saw it
From the corner of my eye
There's something
Up there

Chance. I'm learning to take chances in life. At times, I sit and wonder. I have a strange neutral, yet sad surface to my face when I think. People question me whether I am alright. They are curious to know what is going on in my life. "Perhaps she is depressed," one may suggest. The thing is, I'm a person who likes to think about nothing. Sometimes nothing really means something. Strange as it sounds, I think about nothing a lot. The emptiness of my thoughts digress to what I truly worry about inside. Often, I ponder upon the thought, "what if". No, I'm not talking about the sci-fi what if. More like, I'm contemplating choices, decisions and consequences. I'm questioning my ability to take on a challenge, to go head to head with a risk.

Sometimes I know I really want something, but I fall into a sense of denial. I tell myself I don't want to do it, there's no point or it's not worth trying. But, in actual fact, I'm just scared. Im scared to face reality because I'm scared of failing. I don't like getting rejected; nor do I like feeling the pain when losing to something I want to win so bad. But who does? I guess it's a little selfish of me to want everything so much.

Chances. I have to take them. No, I want to take them. Because even though I can fall, it's better moving somehow and somewhere than just standing still, motionless.

As a little cloud I can roam through life with infinite opportunities, but it is up to me to actually do something with them. Although the sky is often blue, at least a little bright light shines into my life every now and then to tell me that there's hope. I'd rather not rain tears of regret when I realise that all is gone.

Chances... I can't let them get washed away from me.

***

Complexity. Who would have thought that every single little thing in life could be so complicated? But then, after struggling to comprehend this complexity for a while, I realise that the truth is it's not that hard if it's worth the effort, the struggle, the time...

I told myself today that I want it. Then I questioned, how can I measure up? How can I face the challenges? Then again I reminded myself that I really want it. My passion overrules any hardship attached to this thing I want so much.

The purple and pink, the entire spectrum blends together to form this perfectly confusing sight that is just so beautiful. I guess if I can see beauty and the pure simplicity of the sky's honesty, then its complexity fades away with the brightness also.

Complexity... I can't let them shine too bright in my life.

***

Beauty. Why must people create a fixed image as to what beauty is? Why must things be categorised into pretty, average, ugly, mirrror-breaking...? It hurts to find the things you love are ugly. Then why can't we just look at the beautiful aspects of it. People believe that something ugly cannot be beautiful. Then I want to know, who has the authority to determine what is beautiful and what is not?

Iin all that is dark, unfavourable and sordid is an element of beauty. Sometimes I look at something and think, why does it just look so bad? And then I feel completely stupid and insensitive for not being able to draw out its actual beauty sooner. Because although it may not look so nice at first, its ability to depict meaning and emotions can do so much more.

Although the sky remains dark for hours long, that darkness can't look any better than it already does. The stars that survive in its surroundings are representative of its features that should be seen more frequently.

Beauty... it shines in my life more often than I think.

From all that is good, there is bad. From all that is bad, there is good...

the dark is deceiving

Labels: So I thought