I wrote this on my way to Central station and then on the train as I went home. It may mean something, it may not. However you interpret it, you may...

...........


I walk along a footpath through the city of Sydney. Here I am, feeling the cold, unwelcoming wind. Alone. No one to make me smile, laugh or cry. No one to hold onto my cold little hands. It’s just me, the wind and a ring in my hand. How I long for his company, for the finger that fits in this ring.

I feel the world around me closing in, yet everyone is so distant as they get on with their happy lives. Pressure. I don’t know why, but beneath this strong exterior are cracks just waiting to break the weak girl inside. The only thing holding me together is the hope of spending the rest of my life as two, not one. The truth is I’m afraid. I don’t mind shattering right in front of him. I just don’t want him to feel the effects of my cracks. The sharp edges cut me, but I don’t want them to do so much as to scratch him. I am content with the opportunity for his protection and happiness. I don’t ever want sad tears to fall from those beautiful brown eyes again. Only bright happy tears. Ones full of joy.

Time. It has always been a barrier. I throw myself into uncertainty every time with the long for it to travel faster because I want that day to come, the day that seals my one desire. The day the key turns, so nothing can take him away from me ever again. But then there are times when I want it to slow down. I want to put everything on hold in order to capture the warm sensation of his company. His arms around me, as I lean my head against his chest. Our hearts beat with an intertwining rhythm. I don’t want that feeling to disappear. Without the bass, there is no melody.

I hope he knows the reality of my love for him. He’s that person I smile, laugh and cry for. But he doesn’t seem to be here to do those things right now. Here I am alone, tears accumulating in my sensitive, tired eyes. I guess I lied. I don’t need him here to make me cry. I need him here to wipe away the irrepressible tears. He’s the only one who makes things better. But this time, I want to make things better... for him. It’s not always about me. I know it’s not. It’s about us and at this moment, I want to put him first.

I am pushed to run away by the reassuring wind. It promises escape. But I don’t want to. I will endure all the pain it takes to get to that point in life, the part where I have made things better. And when the ring in my hand slides back on to the warm, loving finger I’ve been longing for.

But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

Labels: myheart